Sure, Chris, I believe you’ll make Belgium waffles.

I gave Chris a Griddler for his birthday (it’s on Monday).  The Griddler (horizontal grill plates that squeeze together) will replace Chris’s beloved Rocket Grill (vertical grill plates that squeeze together) as his primary method of cooking.  The Rocket Grill had a good life but, after years of near-daily use, it’s sort of decaying.

As Chris opened his new Griddler, he excitedly noticed it contained plates that can be added to the grill to make big waffles.  These were unexpected.  “We can make Belgium waffles!” he exclaimed exuberantly.  I’ve never in my life seen Chris eat a waffle.  NEVER.  We’ve stayed at many a hotel with waffle makers and he has expressed no interest in these waffles.  Even when he’s not dieting, he is fairly predictable, and when we go to breakfast places, he orders an omelet or some other heavy-on-the-eggs meal. Always. NOT waffles.

Chris, washing the Belgium waffle making plates for the Griddler.  I guess if you have big shoulders, why not put the dish towel over them? I guess?

Chris, washing the Belgium waffle making plates for the Griddler. Yes, the over-the-shoulder dish towel is weird.

I bet him a thousand dollars that he never makes waffles with the waffle plates.  (He will not make them, but even if he does, this is a safe bet as we share a bank account).  He is completely convinced that he will one day make them.  I’m not sure he even knows what ingredients go into waffles.  (And please don’t tell him so I can win my bet).  Is this diet-hunger induced food-related hallucination already?!

Today he also spent an uncomfortably long time cutting up a watermelon.  He even cut off all the rinds.  He may have removed all the seeds too but I’m scared to look.  He finished the ordeal by weighing out a proper little portion for himself.

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Again, are the food obsessions starting?

We celebrated Chris’s birthday last night at my parent’s house. Per Chris’s request, there was no cake.
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Alas, the dieter who was formerly secretly dieting, did not want cake.  He got some low calorie stuff with candles. (It’s actually a ricotta cheese, cherry, and almond thing my mom makes that’s delicious but still, had he not been dieting, there would have been cake).  To his credit, he did not bring the food scale to my parents’ house and he handled eating completely unknown quantities of the non-cake.

To sum up, The Behaviors of the Dieter are surfacing, but are nowhere yet near the levels of The Great Diet of 2013.

Epilogue:  You may have noticed that Chris is wearing a Cardinals shirt and that we went to my parents’ house for dinner.  So here’s the brief life update for those who don’t know:  Chris and I left Massachusetts in summer 2014 and moved to the St. Louis area (where I’m originally from). In our current job, we are both assistant professors (Chris is no longer an adjunct professor), and we still get to work at the same university with offices near each other.  Moving back across the country last summer when Chris was no longer dieting was not nearly as entertaining as the move from Oklahoma to Massachusetts when Chris regularly ate Greek yogurt in the front seat of the UHaul.  We are so, so happy to not be moving again this August.