Tag Archives: bears

No matter what Chris says, I’m good at squatting. So there.

I just got home from the gym.  I was kind of bummed because this elbow-mildly-painful thing that means I need to stop doing any exercises that stress my elbow was happening again and I had to limit my workout.  I had done 9 sets of squats though so I still felt like the workout was successful and I was feeling admirably (yes, I admire myself) positive about the situation.  I figured, OK, the elbow can recover; I’ll take a week off from any upper body work and it won’t be a big deal;  I had a great squat workout today so I’ll just focus on squatting a lot so I still feel like I’m having good workouts and I’ll be fine.

And then I talked to Chris.  Our conversation went roughly as follows:

Me (sadly, yet admirably positive):  My right elbow is bothering me.

Chris (consolingly):  I’m sorry.  That stinks.

Me (admirably positive):  It’s OK.  I decided to just lay off the upper-body work and focus on squatting for a while.

Chris (emotionless):  Your squats look awful.

Me (outraged):  What?!

Chris (sensing danger):  I’m not saying your squats look bad, I mean, they don’t look bad, they’re not bad, I’m just saying you’ve been bouncing a lot at the bottom and they look bad.

Me (aghast):  What?!  What am I doing?

Chris (scared now but intent on explaining):  No, your squats aren’t bad, I can’t explain what I’m seeing, I just, well, I’m surprised your knees aren’t bothering you.

Me (still aghast):  What?!

Chris (still fearful but intent):  I can’t explain it.  I’ll have to video tape you.  Just know that your squats don’t look right right now.  I’ll video tape you next time you squat OK?  Then you can figure out what I’m saying.

End of conversation.

So basically, the consolation I had, the thing that was going to make it OK that my stupid elbow is taking vacation days, the thing allowing me to act so admirably positive, looks terrible right now but can’t actually be explained to me and it’s a miracle I’m not injured.

The poor man didn’t realize what he’d done.

And that’s one of the (in retrospect only) most humorous parts of any man/woman relationship.

I truly believe that Chris had only good intentions in saying what he said.  If I was going to start squatting more; he wanted to make sure I knew that I should consider some form tweaks so I don’t hurt myself.  While I heard him cruelly yanking away the one thing that was going to make my elbow being hurt OK, he heard himself being helpful and kind.

We ended the conversation with me bluffing, “So, I shouldn’t squat?” and him assuring me that we would analyze my squat via video tape the next time I workout.

with bear

See? We still love each other even if one of us criticizes the other one’s squatting.  I wouldn’t fib in front of the bear overlord.

So the good stuff in this post is over now, but, because I have an ego and my identity as a good squatter* is something close to my heart, I have to defend what I think he’s seeing in my squats.  Unfortunately, unlike Chris, I do not set up a camera on a stool in front of the squat rack before every set, so I have no record of what my recent squats look like, but I know they look nothing like my heavy powerlifting squats such as seen in the video below from a few years ago.

My current squats are a bit deeper and with much lighter weight.  Lighter weight changes the way the bar moves me.  I think the “bouncyness” he sees may be because the weight is light enough that I can easily rebound out of the hole and he’s used to seeing me struggle.

So I’m still a good squatter.  However, I am not a stupid squatter so, next workout, I am going to video tape myself and analyze my mechanics with Chris.  It is, overall, very nice to have a fiance whose idea of a good night at home is to sit around analyzing tape of my squats.

Not done!  This is the post that never ends!

So you know, my max competition squat is 215 lbs not the 198 lbs shown in the video.  That’s just to emphasize the following point which you may have missed: I’m a good squatter.

Now the post has ended.  (Well, unless you skipped over the asterisk earlier and are reading the footnote now, but that’s your fault).

*By “squatter”, I mean “someone who performs squats for exercise” not “a person who occupies property or land to which he has no legal title” as is the real definition, as defined by thefreedictionary.com.