Recently, Chris and I have been spending a lot of time scrutinizing his nipples. In this post, I let you in on the fun!
First, a plug: Check out Chris and I talking with Dr. Layne Norton and Dr. Jake Wilson on Muscle College Radio about the case study we did on Chris during his last diet.
Now back to the nipples. Here’s his “front relaxed” picture from this past Saturday.
See those nipples? Yeah, I know.
For those of you not used to male nipple scrutiny (I know, they’re vestigial so why bother?), let me show you that picture again.
Now do you see it? A slightly raised piece of tissue below the right nipple that is NOT found below the left nipple. Look again:
There is a slightly raised tissue on his right (circled). There is no slightly raised tissue on his left (arrow).
“Lindy, you promised nipple talk, but slightly raised tissue talk. What gives?” – you ask
This slightly raised tissue on the right has made the right nipple more lateral than the left nipple.
This slightly-raised-tissue and nipple discrepancy has induced a variant of the following conversation between Chris and I several times over the last few weeks:
Chris (looking at his chest): Would you look at my right nipple for a sec?
Me: Why? It’s vestigial.
Chris: No seriously, check out my nipple.
Me: Ok fine. (grumbling under breath) Thanks for failing me evolution; couldn’t have done for humans what you did for rats** could you?? Wouldn’t have to deal with his nipple issues then…
Chris: So see? My right nipple is more lateral than my left nipple. I think there’s a tendon or something under the right one that isn’t under the left one.
Me: Are you flexing poorly?
Chris (disgusted with me): Of course not.
Me (looking closely): Well, yeah, I do see the difference. Why do you think that is?
Chris: Well, back when we were at Illinois [editor’s note: this means >4 years ago], remember how I couldn’t bench press for like 6 months and how I said sometimes that maybe my chest hurt on that side and how it took me a long time to get back to my original strength on that side and how I thought maybe something was wrong but I am a man and men do not go to the doctor for silly things like large muscle groups that do not work?
Chris: Well, I think maybe back then, well, maybe I ripped my pec.
Me (in non-committal agreement with a hint of condescending “I probably told you 5 years ago to go to the doctor” thinking): Huh.
Chris (getting excited now): Yes, I think that’s it. I think I just made a little rip in my pec 5 years ago and now that tendon looks like that!
Me: Probably it.
Chris: And that’s why my right nipple is more lateral than my left nipple!
Next time Chris poses for weekly pictures, we’ll have this talk again, looking at the nipple from different angles with different things flexed, seeing if there truly is a discrepancy, and concluding, finally, that there is, and that, yes, it was probably caused by a 5 year old muscle tear. So that’s the fun we’ve been having. Scrutinizing the ole nipples. Thanks for joining us in this fun.
One final thought: being engaged to someone like Chris with his large muscles and low body fat, it’s easy to get down about my own smaller muscles and greater body fat, but I’ve got one physical trait that I can always hold over him: that’s right, I have evolutionarily valid nipples. Even a rat did better at evolution than you Chris, you hyper-muscular hypo-adiposcular male human. So there. And that’s how I maintain a positive self body image. I encourage any other significant others of male bodybuilders to do the same.
**Male rats do not have nipples. I learned that during my 7 years of graduate school. While we’re on the subject of rats, everyone should also know that male rats’ testicles are retractable. Way to go 7 years of graduate school knowledge!