Tag Archives: bodybuilding show

Show-Day Saturday Recap: Installment One

Alright, so here’s what happened yesterday.

At 3 am Saturday morning, Chris awoke and microwaved several sweet potatoes.  He then returned to bed until 5 am when him and Jeremy exuberantly woke up and made loud noises, thus stimulating my grudging emergence from peaceful slumber.

We had a brief panic around 6:45 am when we couldn’t find the competitor-identifying number buttons (like running race bib numbers) to pin on his man-bikini but, after dumping out all our bags several times, we found them.  We stopped briefly at Dunkin’ Donuts and made it to the venue, Cape Cod Community College, by 7:30 am, just in the nick of time to sit there and wait for an hour.

The show staff weren’t even done covering the floor with protective paper at the time we showed up.

Covering the floor (of the area where the bodybuilders got ready) with protective paper

Covering the floor (of the area where the bodybuilders got ready) with protective paper

Why do they have to cover the floor with protective paper?

Because of this:


That shiny brown paint is called “Dream Tan.”  As far as I know, it is made specifically for people in bodybuilding-type competitions.  No normal person-around-town would wear this.


It’s incredibly messy and hard to get off.  The bodybuilders wear it so all those worked-hard-for bodily features will not get washed out by the bright lights of the stage; the tanner is similar in function to the exaggerated stage make-up worn by actors under bright lights.

Applying the tanner and eating foods to make himself appear “full” but not “bloated” were the two main activities to do at the venue before Chris went onstage.  The show officially started at 9 am, but, based on the number of other classes before him (women’s bikini, women’s figure, women’s bodybuilding, and men’s lightweight bodybuilding), we guessed that he would go on stage around 10 am.  This is a tricky part of a bodybuilding show; it is hard to know exactly what time to prepare for going on stage because there is no way to know exactly how long the judges will spend looking at the competitors in other classes.

We chose to apply the tanner starting around 8:30 am which was a good decision as it then took us 30 minutes to fully cover his body with it and it is supposed to be on an hour before stage time.  Applying tanner is like applying very thick, messy lotion-paint (as can be seen in the pictures above).  Once the tanner is on, Chris can’t sit down and has to be careful about what his body touches because he becomes a giant stain-creating monster. You haven’t kissed a man until you’ve kissed a man covered in clothing-staining paint, I say.


Ahhh, the romance of trying very hard to not get close to each other while kissing

So after tanner-time, Chris ate peanut butter and jelly on rice cakes frequently to ensure his muscles looked “full”:



Unfortunately, rice cakes are crumbly and the tanner never fully dries so he ended up with some very fine rice cake crumbles sticking to his chest.  We thought about trying to get them off, but the tanner was finally looking smooth so we didn’t mess with things.  Below is the picture I posted yesterday of Chris’s pecs:


Look carefully and you can see little white rice cake crumbles stuck to them.  Awesome.

Chris then ate some of that jumbo pack of Reese’s I had been coveting, pumped up briefly (push-ups, body-weight squats, etc.) and was ready for stage.  At 10 am exactly, Chris’s class, men’s heavy-weight bodybuilding, was called to the stage.  (This was a very, very well-run show.  We were really impressed with the organization.)

Ready for some stage-Chris?!  Here he is!

Hands-over head abdominals

Hands-over head abdominals (He is in the middle.)

Front "relaxed"

Front “relaxed” (He is next to blue posing trunks man).

Front lat-spread (He's the shiny one).

Front lat-spread (He’s the shiny one).

Front double-biceps (Again, the shiny one)

Front double-biceps (Again, the shiny one in black trunks)

Back double biceps (shiny)

Back double biceps (shiny one)

Hitting a "preferred pose"

Hitting a “preferred pose” (He’s not hitting anything yet here I don’t think but you can see the size of all the giants in his class in this picture).

Chris was on stage for this part, called the “pre-judging” for about 20 minutes.  He told me later that my cruel game during posing practice with him, of seeing how long he would hold a pose that I called out, actually paid off and he felt totally energized on stage flexing for the judges.  I’m a good posing practice pose-call-outer.  Yep.

I loved watching Chris on stage.  He smiled a lot, hit his poses well, and really looked like he was enjoying himself.  I felt vomit-nervous before he went on stage, but once he was out there, it was fun.  Everyone in his class looked amazing.  (He is a “pro” which means that Chris and everyone he competes against has won an amateur show at some point.  Thus, they are all experienced and tough to beat.)

And now, in the interest of not writing a 500 page post, that’s about where I’m going to end today, with what would be a cliff-hanger had I not already posted yesterday about how Chris placed.  I will continue the story of “Saturday Show Day” in a post tomorrow.

I did say “about” where I will end because I absolutely must mention something that happened today.  As we returned to my grandpa’s house this morning (where we stayed all weekend) after going for breakfast, I went to pick up the newspaper in his yard. With excitement, I noticed the cover of The Cape Cod Times was about the bodybuilding show AND THEN, I may have screamed, as I noticed Chris was in the front page photo!

That's him, shiny as usual, on the far right in the background.

That’s him, characteristically shiny, on the far right in the background.

He’s not the featured competitor and the photo isn’t exactly focused on him but hey, front page of the paper, above the article about the Red Sox playoff game?!  Wow.  As if it wasn’t a good enough weekend already, that made our weekend.

(Yes, we then ran out to a gas station and bought five copies of the paper and when the gas station man asked, “Why are you buying five copies of the paper?” Chris told him it was because he, Chris, was in the cover photo!  And as, by this morning, Chris was no longer shiny, and is actually rather pale, and clearly Caucasian, we’re guessing the gas station man assumed Chris was crazy and is laughing heartily, right this moment, with his gas station friends about the crazy non-shiny pale man who thought he was in this cover photo of today’s newspaper.)


So far, Chris and I really like Massachusetts.  The trees are starting to change colors, the weather is beautiful, our jobs are great, and there are a plethora of hiking options where I can make Chris deplete his last remaining glycogen stores.  We haven’t totally gotten used to the light-turns-green-you-immediately-make-a-left-turn-in-front-of-me thing, but we will adapt; perhaps one day, we will even make left turns in front of on-coming traffic ourselves.

Aside from the drivers, how do we really know we are in MA?

1)  I drank this at my desk at work the other day.


Not only is it Dunkin’ Donuts, it’s official New England Patriots Dunkin’ Donuts.  If I’m drinking this, losing the “r’s” from my speech can’t be too far behind…

2)  This was on our apartment wall the other day.


It’s called a “House Centipede,” it’s 3 inches long with thin speedy legs, and it makes me shudder.  It was too big to squish with a tissue so it lives here now, hidden in the floors or something.  Supposedly they are harmless and actually eat spiders and other bugs, but it’s much too large and frenetic for my liking.  (Wikipedia tells me these are not unique to Massachusetts but, since I had never seen one in my life before moving here, to me they are Massachusetts House Centipedes).

3)  At the professional conference we attended in Maine on Friday, not only did the organizers use the word “wicked” in the conference title, but they also replaced the “i” in “wicked” with a happy lobster.


“I’s” were never (to my knowledge) replaced by happy lobsters in Oklahoma.  In my mid-western developed mind, “wicked” still translates as “evil.” Thus, we appear to have attended the “Evil Sports Medicine Symposium.”  Yarg! Exercise or the happy lobster will get you! And so on.

In this picture Chris was actually chewing food so that’s partly why he looks so weird but also, he’s realllllllly lean.  How lean?” you ask.

Lean enough that last night, the striated glutes arrived.


When evaluating Chris as a person who I am attracted to, I prefer him a bit more human-looking, but, as a bodybuilder, he looks awesome right now.  His butt has never been this striated.  This is gooooood stuff.  27 days now until these glutes go on stage.  According to our Dunkin’-Donuts-caffeinated Massachusetts House Centipede these glutes are “wicked awesome”…

October 12th is 35 Days Away

Chris brought 10 bananas home the other day.  He had decided to experiment with bananas as a carb source.  Within 3 days, the 7 remaining bananas were mushy and speckled and had attracted small black flying bugs.  Chris, thankfully, did not eat these bananas.  This impressed me as these bananas already held designated places in the week’s diet plan. Chris concluded, from this experience, that bananas are much too fickle to include in a scheduled diet plan; diet plans require sturdy, reliable food; with a banana, you never know when one might rot away.  Thus, no more bananas will be bought.  And that was the deal with the bananas.

In other news, we’ve started practicing Chris’s posing several times a week.  Chris puts on his posing trunks, stands in front of the TV in the living room, and, from the couch, I call out poses to him such as “rear lat spread!” and “side chest!” and “crab most muscular!”  We do this for 10 minutes.  I am supposed to make sure he holds each pose for at least 30 seconds. He sweats and his muscles quiver while he holds the poses and, as someone who loves him, I feel like a jerk sitting there, staring at him as he quivers, and waiting 30 seconds before calling the next pose, but, that is what he asked me to do.  Following the practice, we analyze what muscles were flexed enough and what muscles could have been flexed more.  It’s a magical relationship time.  October 12th (the date of the show) can’t come soon enough.

And with that being said, I’m sick of bodybuilding.  I’m sick of every activity requiring food planning; I’m sick of analyzing the shrinking fat on his butt; and mostly I’m sick of Chris being “out-of-it” because he needs food.  As I was feeling sick of bodybuilding the other day, Chris said to me, unprompted, “You know what?  I’m sick of bodybuilding.”  I think it’s just that time in the contest prep.  Did I mention that October 12th can’t come soon enough?

As Chris is aware that his mental and physical capacities are dwindling, he intentionally makes it a priority to still do my Lindy things with me.  It would be much easier for him to stay home near his food scale and the refrigerator and count down the hours until it’s time to eat next.  Some bodybuilders do this.  Having no social life and no outside interests and ideally, no job, would be the simplest way to diet.  Chris makes deliberate efforts not to do this.  He tells me constantly that he still wants to enjoy life and go places with me.  Thus, although I’m sick of bodybuilding right now, I do appreciate that he is doing the best he can while pursuing a goal that is important to him.  Soooo how many days until October 12th did you say?

On the note of doing my Lindy things with me, today Chris and I hiked Mt. Wachusett.  It was a beautiful day and we hiked for about 2 hours.  Although Chris had lifted right before we went, he did fine.  He even helped hold up this boulder that someone had misplaced:


This was the “balance rock” trail.  Ha!

And the view from the summit was much nicer than the fog we saw from last weekend’s Mt. Monadnock summit.


When we were done hiking, Chris shocked me by spontaneously suggesting we go to a Johnny Appleseed festival at a near-by town.  Was he hypoglycemic and muttering babble?  No!  He really did want to attend the Johnny Appleseed festival!  (I should point out that, when we moved to MA, we unknowingly moved to the heart of “Johnny Appleseed Country.”  Johnny Appleseed is big here.  We already have plans next weekend to attend the local Johnny Appleseed festival and there are more Johnny Appleseed related events throughout fall. Red apple pictures are on street signs.  Unfortunately, I once watched a Michael Pollan PBS special that told me Johnny Appleseed’s apples were only popular because people liked to make hard cider out of them…so all I can think of at these quaint local festivals is how we are really celebrating drunken pioneers.  Take your children!)

In the Apple General Store at the Johnny Appleseed festival, Chris shocked me for the second time today by eating a free sample.  Was he losing his marbles?  Free-samples were not on the diet plan for today!


Chris and the free samples (on trays on the table)

Chris told me that hiking for 2 hours allowed him to eat the free sample of a carrot stick and apple-themed dressing.  Of course I agree with this logic for a normal human, but I was surprised Chris applied normal-human logic to his bodybuilder-human eating.

So Chris still makes it into the “very good fiance” category for now.  He’ll maintain this position by continuing to hike and attend Johnny Appleseed festivals with me.  He could lose this position by implementing extended analysis sessions of his butt fat and/or bringing back the bug-ridden bananas.  Also, October 12 is only 35 days away.  Not that anyone is counting…