Tag Archives: coffee

Sitting on a Summit

I got another “Chris-eating-yogurt-in-an-unexpected-place” picture today to add to the collection!

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Yogurt on a mountain top, ohhh yeah…

After going to another Johnny Appleseed festival -Johnny Appleseed festivals are our thing these days- where we saw a llama and were given free toothbrushes (by a human, not the llama), we sat on the summit of Mount Wachusett for 2 hours this afternoon.

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Chris and Llama

“How am I getting Chris to still hike when he is two weeks out from his show?!” you ask.

Um, well, we drove to the top of Mount Wachusett.

And then we sat there.

For two hours.

And we drank large sodas.

Diet large sodas.

But still large sodas.

And we were sitting in Midwestern-college-themed canvas chairs.

And Chris’s shirt said “Boomer Sooner.”

And then Chris busted out the vat of yogurt.

And well, yep, that was the afternoon.

This is Living.

This is Living.

When we entered the park, we had to roll down our car window to pay the $2 parking fee and the park ranger, clearly noticing our youth, capacity for physical exertion, and large sodas asked us, “Hiking or driving?” I muttered to the floor, “um, well…driving,” and he took my $2 and looked away in disgust.

I wanted to yell to him that, much like a newly pregnant woman suffering complications, Chris had a hidden disability; he is a dieting bodybuilder who is two weeks out and he doesn’t have any fat or any glycogen and it’s exciting that he’s even out of the house right now and I promise, really, we did hike this mountain before, and it was nice to hike, but, while we were hiking last time, we saw these other people who were driving and driving looked easy and hiking is hard and when people have no glycogen and no fat, well, that’s when you make the choice to drive up the mountain.  

Also, park ranger, we want to sit on the summit with our Midwestern-college-themed canvas chairs and large sodas and a vat of yogurt.  

But I did not tell the park ranger these things.  I just closed my window quickly and drove up the mountain in shame, watching the hikers sweat their way along the steep grade as I metabolized a single glucose molecule contracting my plantar flexors on the accelerator.  

(In full disclosure, I didn’t feel like hiking today either.  What with the llama and free toothbrush excitement, I was ready to just sit on a mountain summit too).  

On the way home from the mountain, we went through Dunkin’ Donuts drive through where Chris ordered me a “chocolate latte” (known to most people as a “mocha”) and got himself this bag of noncaloric Pumpkin flavored coffee that he has been talking about getting nearly every day since he saw an ad for it a week or so ago.  This coffee is EXCITING.

Speaking of exciting, Chris has started to fantasize about what he’s going to eat when non-dieting life resumes after the contest.  At one point, he told me he’s going to go to McDonald’s and eat a giant burger and fries.  I will bet money that this will never happen. He also told me about some food fantasy involving a six egg omelet.  And he talks about pizza a lot.  We have some gooood conversations these days…

Switching topics, Chris is sometimes spacey, but still cheery, and last weekend, at his friend’s wedding, he shocked us all with this extreme display of energy:

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Is that Chris?! (amazing photo courtesy of Chris’s friend, Drew)

Perhaps the pocket protein bars and wedding chicken, which he spent several minutes explaining how he needed cooked as boring as possible please, fueled him up for this.

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Protein bars: the new pocket handkerchief

Fourteen days.  We’re almost there.  

Cinnamon and Coffee

I introduced Chris to cinnamon.  I thought he was strong. I thought he could handle it.  I didn’t know cinnamon would become a contest-prep obsession.

The gateway cinnamon was in oatmeal.  Years ago, I showed Chris how just a bit of cinnamon added to oatmeal and combined with Equal and blueberries is delicious.  Over the years, he started adding more and more cinnamon to his oatmeal; I neglected to notice this dangerous progression.  Around the start of this contest-prep, I showed Chris how I also put cinnamon and Equal in my Greek yogurt; Chris started doing the same…with large amounts of cinnamon.

We don’t buy the modest, cylindrical, cinnamon container; we buy the humongous, we-are-serious-about-our-cinnamon box.  Usually, Chris has back-up cinnamon in the cabinet too (for cinnamon emergencies I suppose).

Despite such cinnamon intensity, I thought Chris was handling his cinnamon OK until the other day when I walked into the kitchen, where Chris had made sweet potatoes, and saw this:

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That is only cinnamon on those sweet potatoes.  That is a full half centimeter layer of cinnamon.  A half centimeter.  Tomorrow, I will take Chris to the cinnamonologist for treatment.

To be fair to cinnamon, it’s not his only spice obsession.  As he gets further and further into the diet, all spices are highly exciting.  He has these anonymous mixed spices that he enthusiastically dumps on everything (except, of course, for the foods he has already doused with cinnamon).  Usually, after spicing foods to the extreme, he then tells me how amazing the food is.  What I want to say, when he tells me how good his spiced broccoli in a bag is, is, “Yeah, but know what else is good? Chocolate ice cream,” but that would be mean so I nod politely and then go outside to cough the spice-dense air out of my spice-blackened lungs.

I sometimes contemplate putting drywall crumbles on his food, telling him it’s a new spice, and seeing if he tells me that it is delicious.  Because he would tell me that it is delicious.   Because he’s hungry a lot these days.  The other day I was eating what had aspired to be a taco salad but, due to my hunger-induced meal-prep corner cutting, was basically ground beef and lettuce, and Chris exclaimed, “Wow, that looks amazing!”  Ground beef and lettuce do not look amazing.

Along with excessive spicing, Chris is also very, very into coffee right now.  He recently decided that your standard-sized travel mugs just weren’t cutting it.  Thus, he purchased a mammoth, transportable, coffee container.  The thing is intimidating.  I imagine him entering a meeting at work, where people sit calmly around a table with traditional coffee cups, and Chris, smiling, plunks this monster down.  I then imagine Chris’s coffee monster eating the traditional coffee cups.

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Hi-ho, hi-ho, off to work with my coffee pot!

Speaking of work, the semester has not started yet so Chris and I are not going into the office regularly, but, the other day, Chris went in for a few hours.  Below is what he brought to sustain himself:

 

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Monster coffee carrier, little coffee cup, shaker bottle, yogurt mixed with cinnamon, apple, peanut butter, whey, scale, and index card listing what is to be eaten when and in what quantities

This day at the office, Chris’s scale gave him the “low battery” message and shut-off.  Luckily, he had already weighed what he needed to and catastophe was averted.  He bought batteries later that night and was about to put them in the scale when he realized that it was working again.  Wha?!  Eventually he realized, with his brilliance, that he had put the food scale on top of the frozen ice pack in the cooler.  And thus, we all learned that food scales cease to function when put on top of frozen ice packs in coolers.

And that’s the kind of fascinating stuff going on around here…

Please let me know if you need the number of a good cinnamonologist.