Tag Archives: contest preparation

Legitimate Eggs, Broccoli, and Cottage Cheese

Chris is still in Florida.  Fear not!  The egg, cottage cheese, and broccoli consumption continues.  Below, a brief photographic walk through of the processes.  (All photographs are courtesy of Chris’s mom and yes, it’s awesome that she also takes pictures of Chris preparing food and emails them to me.)

First, Chris is making eggs.  Lots of eggs.

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Peppering the egg-circle

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What a peppered egg-circle!

Next, Chris is making his aforementioned standard “pre-bed” meal.

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The start of the “pre-bed meal” preparation

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That’s a man-size broccoli bowl

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Time to pepper the broccoli

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Now we must flavor the broccoli with lemon

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Lemon-peppered broccoli is ready!

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Chunky cottage cheese from a container is ready!

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“Oh yeah I’m gonna enjoy this.  Best. Pre-bed meal. Ever.” -Chris

If dieting bodybuilders judged food competitions, everyone would win (assuming,that is, that you were able to convince the bodybuilders that the food fit into their daily macros).  You made dog food covered in turds?  And it fits into my macros? Best. Meal. Ever.

Yes, I know, I’ve posted on the cottage cheese and broccoli pre-bed meal before, but seriously, the guy eats this every night and those of us hanging out with him have to regularly smell the stench so a mere two posts about it is nothing.   

The other day at the gym, I saw an irritating sign for “legitimate hardcore products” on the outside of a refrigerator full of sugar-dense sports drinks.  Know what I think a “legitimate hardcore product” is?  A regular pre-bed meal of cottage cheese and broccoli.  Also, an egg-circle.

Chris should stand in that gym refrigerator clasping his cottage cheese and broccoli (or egg-circle) with a sign nailed above him stating that his robot-like consumption of nutritious food, avoidance of inappropriate food, and intense workouts are the real “legitimate hardcore products”. (And of course, it’s completely necessary to use the word “legitimate;” I never buy anything that doesn’t use the word “legitimate” in it’s advertising.  You want me to buy that toilet paper?  I only buy “legitimate” toilet paper.)

When the refrigerator door is opened by someone wanting a legitimate hardcore product, Chris would pass out a log of what he’s eaten and done at the gym for the last 3 months.  If anyone asked Gym-Refrigerator-Chris what miracle supplements he boluses, what he ingests mid-workout, or any other variation around the theme of “how do I get muscular without actually doing anything hard?” a ear-splitting buzzer would sound and Chris’s refrigerator door would slam shut.  Perhaps a large pail of cottage cheese could also automatically empty on the inquirer’s head. 

Good idea huh?  My ideas are legitimate hardcore ideas.