Tag Archives: diet

Cinnamon and Coffee

I introduced Chris to cinnamon.  I thought he was strong. I thought he could handle it.  I didn’t know cinnamon would become a contest-prep obsession.

The gateway cinnamon was in oatmeal.  Years ago, I showed Chris how just a bit of cinnamon added to oatmeal and combined with Equal and blueberries is delicious.  Over the years, he started adding more and more cinnamon to his oatmeal; I neglected to notice this dangerous progression.  Around the start of this contest-prep, I showed Chris how I also put cinnamon and Equal in my Greek yogurt; Chris started doing the same…with large amounts of cinnamon.

We don’t buy the modest, cylindrical, cinnamon container; we buy the humongous, we-are-serious-about-our-cinnamon box.  Usually, Chris has back-up cinnamon in the cabinet too (for cinnamon emergencies I suppose).

Despite such cinnamon intensity, I thought Chris was handling his cinnamon OK until the other day when I walked into the kitchen, where Chris had made sweet potatoes, and saw this:

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That is only cinnamon on those sweet potatoes.  That is a full half centimeter layer of cinnamon.  A half centimeter.  Tomorrow, I will take Chris to the cinnamonologist for treatment.

To be fair to cinnamon, it’s not his only spice obsession.  As he gets further and further into the diet, all spices are highly exciting.  He has these anonymous mixed spices that he enthusiastically dumps on everything (except, of course, for the foods he has already doused with cinnamon).  Usually, after spicing foods to the extreme, he then tells me how amazing the food is.  What I want to say, when he tells me how good his spiced broccoli in a bag is, is, “Yeah, but know what else is good? Chocolate ice cream,” but that would be mean so I nod politely and then go outside to cough the spice-dense air out of my spice-blackened lungs.

I sometimes contemplate putting drywall crumbles on his food, telling him it’s a new spice, and seeing if he tells me that it is delicious.  Because he would tell me that it is delicious.   Because he’s hungry a lot these days.  The other day I was eating what had aspired to be a taco salad but, due to my hunger-induced meal-prep corner cutting, was basically ground beef and lettuce, and Chris exclaimed, “Wow, that looks amazing!”  Ground beef and lettuce do not look amazing.

Along with excessive spicing, Chris is also very, very into coffee right now.  He recently decided that your standard-sized travel mugs just weren’t cutting it.  Thus, he purchased a mammoth, transportable, coffee container.  The thing is intimidating.  I imagine him entering a meeting at work, where people sit calmly around a table with traditional coffee cups, and Chris, smiling, plunks this monster down.  I then imagine Chris’s coffee monster eating the traditional coffee cups.

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Hi-ho, hi-ho, off to work with my coffee pot!

Speaking of work, the semester has not started yet so Chris and I are not going into the office regularly, but, the other day, Chris went in for a few hours.  Below is what he brought to sustain himself:

 

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Monster coffee carrier, little coffee cup, shaker bottle, yogurt mixed with cinnamon, apple, peanut butter, whey, scale, and index card listing what is to be eaten when and in what quantities

This day at the office, Chris’s scale gave him the “low battery” message and shut-off.  Luckily, he had already weighed what he needed to and catastophe was averted.  He bought batteries later that night and was about to put them in the scale when he realized that it was working again.  Wha?!  Eventually he realized, with his brilliance, that he had put the food scale on top of the frozen ice pack in the cooler.  And thus, we all learned that food scales cease to function when put on top of frozen ice packs in coolers.

And that’s the kind of fascinating stuff going on around here…

Please let me know if you need the number of a good cinnamonologist.

Legitimate Eggs, Broccoli, and Cottage Cheese

Chris is still in Florida.  Fear not!  The egg, cottage cheese, and broccoli consumption continues.  Below, a brief photographic walk through of the processes.  (All photographs are courtesy of Chris’s mom and yes, it’s awesome that she also takes pictures of Chris preparing food and emails them to me.)

First, Chris is making eggs.  Lots of eggs.

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Peppering the egg-circle

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What a peppered egg-circle!

Next, Chris is making his aforementioned standard “pre-bed” meal.

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The start of the “pre-bed meal” preparation

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That’s a man-size broccoli bowl

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Time to pepper the broccoli

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Now we must flavor the broccoli with lemon

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Lemon-peppered broccoli is ready!

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Chunky cottage cheese from a container is ready!

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“Oh yeah I’m gonna enjoy this.  Best. Pre-bed meal. Ever.” -Chris

If dieting bodybuilders judged food competitions, everyone would win (assuming,that is, that you were able to convince the bodybuilders that the food fit into their daily macros).  You made dog food covered in turds?  And it fits into my macros? Best. Meal. Ever.

Yes, I know, I’ve posted on the cottage cheese and broccoli pre-bed meal before, but seriously, the guy eats this every night and those of us hanging out with him have to regularly smell the stench so a mere two posts about it is nothing.   

The other day at the gym, I saw an irritating sign for “legitimate hardcore products” on the outside of a refrigerator full of sugar-dense sports drinks.  Know what I think a “legitimate hardcore product” is?  A regular pre-bed meal of cottage cheese and broccoli.  Also, an egg-circle.

Chris should stand in that gym refrigerator clasping his cottage cheese and broccoli (or egg-circle) with a sign nailed above him stating that his robot-like consumption of nutritious food, avoidance of inappropriate food, and intense workouts are the real “legitimate hardcore products”. (And of course, it’s completely necessary to use the word “legitimate;” I never buy anything that doesn’t use the word “legitimate” in it’s advertising.  You want me to buy that toilet paper?  I only buy “legitimate” toilet paper.)

When the refrigerator door is opened by someone wanting a legitimate hardcore product, Chris would pass out a log of what he’s eaten and done at the gym for the last 3 months.  If anyone asked Gym-Refrigerator-Chris what miracle supplements he boluses, what he ingests mid-workout, or any other variation around the theme of “how do I get muscular without actually doing anything hard?” a ear-splitting buzzer would sound and Chris’s refrigerator door would slam shut.  Perhaps a large pail of cottage cheese could also automatically empty on the inquirer’s head. 

Good idea huh?  My ideas are legitimate hardcore ideas.

The Spreadsheet of Life

Today we discuss The Spreadsheet of Life.

I posted a screenshot of The Spreadsheet of Life previously, when it was in it’s infancy.  You will see today that, at 3.5 weeks of age, it has matured into quite the chubby-cheeked child.

The Spreadsheet of Life

The Spreadsheet of Life 

Let us now look deep into The Spreadsheet of Life.

In the first three columns are general notes of scheduled events (such as the Indianapolis trip), the number of weeks until the bodybuilding show, and the date (complete with year, in case the current year is forgotten one can only assume).

The fourth column contains Chris’s step count for the day in a color-coded system where medium-green is the optimal color.

I haven’t mentioned Chris’s step counting before so I guess I better briefly explain:  he found a pedometer at his parents’ house last winter and has been wearing it ever since. In my understanding, he shoots for around the recommended 10,000 steps a day but doesn’t go too out of his way if the count falls short. (Sometimes if he’s less than 100 steps away from 10,000 at the end of day, he’ll pace back and forth in our small apartment to get those last steps in, so that’s weird, but it doesn’t happen too often, so it still falls in the “cute and amusing” rather than the “I must get him to stop this” category of significant-other behavior.)

So, back to the step counts on the spreadsheet.  It’s neat to see that the step counts almost doubled when we were in Indianapolis.  Probably all that walking to the bridge (that we ran over quickly) and to CVS for cottage cheese.

In the next column, we see his body weight in kgs. Ha! No, it’s in lbs. Good one huh? I make this hilarious joke because we can see Chris has found it necessary to include units in the headings of all the other measurements in this spreadsheet which is very important in case he were to look back later at say, May 24th, and think he had eaten 244 kg of protein instead of 244 g. Were he later trying to replicate this diet, he would have to eat a large hippopotamus to get 244 kg of protein, which is the exact weight of “Hippopotamus C” in this algebra problem and thus definitely a real hippopotamus weight.

But I digress.

We were discussing the weight (in lbs) column of The Spreadsheet of Life.  The weight loss has been very steady with the exception of the time in Indianapolis when traveling-induced disruptions in the digestive flow, shall we say, probably hampered weight loss a bit.

In the next column, we see Chris’s protein, fat, and carb intakes (in g, not kg) complete with colored bars to visually compare quantity consumed across days.  Next we see calculated Calories, macronutrient percentages, and workouts performed.

My favorite entry in the spreadsheet is on May 20th in the workout column:  “Off (tornado)”. That entry makes me laugh and yet, in a way, it’s profound. That tornado was such a huge event.  But life goes on. Training goes on.  And an unscheduled off-day needs to have a reason recorded next to it in The Spreadsheet of Life. Thus, “Off (tornado)”.

As contest prep progresses, I will post more screenshots of The Spreadsheet of Life as it grows up.

 

 

 

 

 

Partying, Baseball Game, and a Refrigerator Update

I went out of town this past weekend and left Chris alone in our apartment.  In the grand tradition of the engaged man left to freedom for a weekend, he partied hard while I was away.

Oh yeah, that's four DVD's from Redbox

Oh yeah, that’s four DVD’s from Redbox

A fifth DVD and Diet Coke (and yes, Chris bodybuilds and also likes to light candles while watching TV)

A fifth DVD and Diet Pepsi (and yes, Chris, the professional bodybuilder, really enjoys a good Yankee candle while watching TV)

What’s really awesome is that he (obviously) took these pictures himself to prove to me how hard he partied

Once before, when I left town for a weekend while Chris was dieting for a different show, he drank two two-liter soda bottles over the weekend and proudly showed me the empty bottles when I returned.  I was relieved to see that he didn’t party that hard this time.

Chris also took a picture to show me the big event of the weekend.  His weight loss is now significant enough that he has had to move his lifting belt in one notch.

Hooray!

Hooray!

I can tell he’s lost weight when I hug him.  It’s like hugging a large, uneven rock.  Washboard abs are attractive but not particularly comfortable to embrace.

Last night we went to a baseball game in Oklahoma City which is maybe 25 minutes away from our apartment.  I brought my purse.  Chris brought this cooler.

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Leaving for the game

You can’t bring food or drinks into the game so I was confused about his plan.  Turns out the cooler contained two apples and one large protein bar.  The purpose of the cooler was to keep these foods cool during the brief car ride in my air-conditioned, cool car.  (I guess the cooler was for in case the AC broke?  I don’t always ask questions about things I don’t understand.)  The apples were for consuming on the walk from the parking lot to the stadium and the protein bar was to be put, sneakily, into the shorts pocket and eaten during the second inning.

Eating apple #1 while apple #2 pokes out from its napkin, awaiting devouration

Eating apple #1 while apple #2 pokes out from its napkin, awaiting devouration (it’s a word if I want it to be)

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“Yessss, this is my protein bar that I eat.”  -Chris. (You can also see from this picture what a huge deal minor league Monday night baseball games are in Oklahoma City; we were lucky to get tickets!)

I will end this post with another picture of our refrigerator, taken last week, so you can see how things are evolving.  Fage yogurt (which I take credit for introducing him to) has taken center stage on the top shelf.  Also seen are the eggs (don’t worry, there are more on other shelves), packaged meats, and cottage cheeses.

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Fage, eggs, and meat

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Produce drawer of cottage cheese and apples

It’s an amino acid wonderland.